Between Mock Presentations

Wearing: White Top: Charlotte Russe (Similar top on Jabong- HERE); Black bell bottom pants- Marks and Spencers; Sequinned Jacket- Bling Struck's own; Sandals: Zara; Rings: Forever 21

I  am a sucker for formal clothing- anything from solid bell bottoms to dresses that mean business. A string of mock presentations in the past few months are responsible for this obsession. Unfortunately, my routine is such that I hardly get the chance to wear my black bell bottoms and that is probably the reason why you will either see me in a Kurta-Salwar or my football jersey. That is all that I do- go to college in the morning and yell profanities at the TV at night when Barca loses.

Photography: Alice S Tigga (she's the best!)
                    Check out her work here

AISHWARYA x 

Confronting My Loneliness

The first time I came to terms with loneliness was years ago, in school. I remember being so afraid to confront it that I pushed it aside and refused to come to terms with it again for quite a long time. It was such an eerie feeling and the very idea of loneliness scared me shitless. I was in denial for a very long time. I always thought of loneliness as a sickness which was more mental than physical that would eat me alive and leave me friendless if I ever gathered the courage to confront it. 

I found myself feeling left out and lonely even around people. I couldn’t relate to most of them and sadly I face this problem even now. I was never alone yet I felt lonely. My coping mechanism was very weak perhaps because I was a mere teenager dealing with different emotions all at once- hating on life and society.. wondering why am I the target every time. What kind of a target, you ask? Well, I have been very vocal about certain issues I feel we all face at some point in our life.

I was at the brink of a breakdown a few months ago. In December, to be precise. I did not have anybody to talk to and I did not know what I was going to do about it. This is exactly the time I decided that I had to woman up! I had to accept and embrace the fact that yes, I am a lonely person. What was I going to do about it? That was the first step.

As I started to spend more and more time with myself and my thoughts in general, I found that running away from this monster that I had created in my head was futile. I began thinking about what I want from life, from people… from myself. The first step i.e acceptance led me to dive into the realm of loneliness. It was nothing less than meditation considering I came out a changed person.

Once you are well aware of yourself and your surroundings you stop “feeling” lonely because hey, you have YOU! And no one can be a better friend/lover/whatever you want to call it, than YOU, duh. When I realized this, I did not feel the fear being a lonely person or the constant need to be around people. And if I can do it then anyone can!

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*Edited* - 23/7

So, I have always been a sucker for over sized clothing. I found this tee shirt on the paved streets of Janpath, the infamous tourist spot for beautiful Indian souvenirs, junk jewelry, thrift clothing and whatnot! I fell in love with it at once. I have a special place in my heart for super cool graphic clothing so I had to pick this one up. There is this misconception that the color white makes curvy women look big. Honestly, it doesn't. You'd look as normal as you do in a pair of blue jeans. It just highlights your curves- which is not a bad thing, right?!
The choker is doubled up rosary beads that belong to my mother and the shoes were a steal from Zara, two years ago!

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As you can see, I have finally moved out of my backyard. The pictures were taken by my lovely friend from college Alice S Tigga. Do check her work out on instagram here. I hope you're having a great day! 

Aishwarya x 

The Murder

I found her body floating amidst the lilies in the pond that lay like an offering to the sculpture of the five senses. Her beautiful face was partially submerged in water. Blood drained from my face as I noticed that her body, now in livor mortis, had been dragged through the courtyard and thrown into the pond. A knife sticking out of her stomach, blood had soaked her favorite pink top, mixing with the water, creating a swirl which reminded me of the fancy lollipops she bought me at the end of our short trips to the supermarket. We told each other our darkest secrets. She taught me how to drive. She would kiss my forehead and tell me that everything was going to be alright. She helped me up when I was at my lowest and yet I couldn't do anything to save her. My knees weak, I fell to the cold, hard ground. I couldn't feel a bone in my body. I shouldn't have let her go alone to meet that bastard. I should have known that he was capable of doing this. My mind kept sifting through such incoherent thoughts that I didn't realize when two pairs of hands picked me up from the ground and sat me down on the chair kept on the patch of the lush grass to the left of the sculpture.  They were two women from the police department. All of a sudden I saw familiar faces around me. A team each from the police department and the forensic department had arrived to investigate.

I could feel the wind blowing violently as though mirroring the whirl in my head. It chilled my face and sent shivers down my spine. As they picked her body up in order to investigate to find the killer and then prepare it for cremation, It felt as if my gut was telling me something. All of a sudden strange smell surrounded the whole courtyard, reminding me of my time in the forensic department. I started to look around for clues. Could he have really done this? All I could see were the tall goliath pillars touching the twinkling stars in the infinite sky and a petite pond across from me, right in the center of the courtyard. There was not a single person in sight. The trees rustled as the wind blew through them and my thoughts kept shuffling from one to another. My mind was a mess. But one thing was certain, my sister had been killed and revenge was in order.